The Grandinite Cafe brings together some of the heaviest hitters in sociopoliticoeconomedicalpsychoanalysis to comment on an article that I have deemed interesting.
Today’s article is the top ten worst haircuts of all time, as voted by a bunch of gap-toothed, flat beer-swilling Brits.
Results of the Braun survey list the worst hair disasters of all time as:
1.The Mohican – a favourite of punks and football stars.
2.The Mullet – the 1980s look favoured by crooner Michael Bolton, which adds a very nasty twist to a short back and sides.
3.The Beehive – the 1960s look that defies gravity, thanks largely to hairspray, and for some reason made a comeback on catwalks in the 1990s.
4.Helmet Head – otherwise known as the “bowl” or “basin” cut.
5.New Romantic – it’s long on one side, short on the other.
6.Back-combed Bouffant – sculpted, sprayed and teased into a helmet of big curls, waves, and bouffant which was surprisingly popular in the 1960s and 1980s.
7.Perm – loved by all throughout the 1980s.
8.The Ironed Look – sometimes achieved using the classic household appliance – the iron.
9.Crimped – a favourite among rockers in the 1980s.
10.The Page Boy – Marcus in About a Boy sported one. It’s straight across the front and trimmed to the nape of your neck.
Today’s sociopoliticoeconomedicalpsychoanalysts will discuss the relative merits of these haircuts, and whether or not the Brits got it right.
They are:
Mr. Ed, the talking horse.
Hello.
The gayest economist of all time, John Maynard Keynes.
It’s pronounced “Keens” not “Kaynes”.
Maynard James Keenan, lead singer of Tool.
Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
The Ultimate Warrior
Yeaaaahhh!
AARON: Okay, I can agree with the top two worst haircuts, but I feel that the British have it wrong. Perhaps the Mullet, or variation thereof, could have topped the list.
Anyone else?
Mr. Ed
Yes. I concur. There are variations of the mullet, such as the bullet and the skullet, which should have easily trumped anyother haircut.
AARON: Care to elaborate, Mr. Ed?
Mr. Ed.
Sure. The Bullet is the fading glory of an ex-rocker who is balding, yet still insists on wearing the “Party at the back”. The Skullet is a variant of the Mullet where one shaves their head bald, save for a lengthy patch on the back.
The Ultimate Warrior
I disagree with Mr. Ed’s comments. The Skullet and Bullet are the haircuts of perseverance. You’ve got to admire a guy who’s still tryin’ his darndest to be cool. Considering that his mane is a rough approximation of a mullet, I wonder how he can be so condescending towards this hairstyle. I sense a bit of self-loathing in his commentary.
Maynard James Keenan, lead singer of Tool.
I totally agree that the Mohawk is the ugliest. However, the Brits are calling David Beckham’s ‘Mohican’ by the wrong name. It’s really a “Faux-hawk”, which, technically speaking, is a variant of the Mullet.
AARON: Good point, Maynard. It’s probably difficult for the untrained eye to pick the differences out between a Faux-hawk and a Mullet.
Maynard James Keenan, lead singer of Tool.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Defining, confining, controlling, and we’re sinking deeper.
AARON: Yes, we are. It’s the degradation of society that Rick Santorum likes to point out.
The gayest economist of all time, John Maynard Keynes.
Ooooooo. Did ssssomebody sssay Ssssaaaantorum?
The Ultimate Warrior
Yeah, but not in the context I’ll bet you’re hoping he said it, Keynes. If any haircut should have made it into the list, it’s the’Rat-tail’, a.k.a. ‘fag-tag’ that should be number one.
The gayest economist of all time, John Maynard Keynes.
I take exxxtreme offenssse to that ssstatement, Warrior man. We homosexualsss use hair as a market signal of sssorts, like an underground brotherhood. Jussst because one wears the so-called fag-tag or Faux-hawk, this is not to be conssstrued as a firm indicator that they are gay.
Mr. Ed.
Heheh. He said “firm in dick”
The Ultimate Warrior
Yeah, well I still think that there are definite gay hairstyles out there. Like butchy haircuts on women. Who are they trying to impress? And what about guys who shave their heads but leave a bunch of bangs up front? It just screams ‘bottom’. Here I cite Adam, from season 6 of the CBS show, Amazing Race. Tell me he’s not gay.
Maynard James Keenan, lead singer of Tool.
Hahaha. LMAO. Those look like handlebars.
AARON: Okay, thanks for your input guys. It’s been a slice.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Howdy there,this is Terence Kuitu,just discovered your web-site on google and i must say this blog is great.may I share some of the article found in this site to my local people?i’m not sure and what you think?anyway,Many thanks!