I believe the planet is being taken over by a secret cabal. Everywhere I turn, there they are, their beady little eyes boring into me, beaming their mind-control waves directly into my cerebral cortex. You can’t escape them, because every time you criticize them, one of their mind-controlled zombies pops up to extol their virtues and shame you back into line.
They’re cats, and I’ve got an FN hate-on for these creatures.
I think any sane and reasonable single man ought to screen all potential mates based on how many cats they have. If, my dear friends, you are able to find a single woman who does not have a cat, that’s good enough to ensure her potential for a long and happy road together.
Why?
Read on:
. . . according to recent research, cats may have an unexpected ally in this eternal battle of Tom and Jerry: the protozoan parasite Toxoplasma gondii. Scientists have proven that this parasite, when nestled into the brains of otherwise normal rats, slows reaction times and causes “an almost suicidal attraction to cats,” says Joanne Webster, a British scientist who led the research. . . “Most people never learn they are infected,” he says, because initial symptoms from toxoplasmosis, as Toxoplasma gondii infections are called, resemble a low-grade flu; detection comes through a simple blood test. After a few weeks, the malaise tails off as the parasite goes latent, lodging for the long term: Once you contract toxoplasmosis, it’s with you for life. No big deal, scientists say, since latent infection is asymptomatic — harmless.
Disregard that last line, because:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis
Most patients who become infected with Toxoplasma gondii and develop toxoplasmosis do not know it. In most immunocompetent patients, the infection enters a latent phase, during which only bradyzoites are present, forming cysts in nervous and muscle tissue. Most infants who are infected while in the womb have no symptoms at birth but may develop symptoms later in life.
. . .
Up to a third of the world’s population is estimated to carry a Toxoplasma infection.[3] The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that overall seroprevalence in the United States as determined with specimens collected by the third National Health and Nutritional Assessment Survey (NHANES III) between 1988 and 1994 was found to be 22.5%, with seroprevalence among women of childbearing age (15 to 44 years) of 15%.
. . .
Other studies suggest that the parasite may influence personality. There are claims of toxoplasma causing antisocial attitudes in men and promiscuity [18] (or even “signs of higher intelligence” [19] ) in women, and greater susceptibility to schizophrenia and manic depression in all infected persons.[18] A 2004 study found that toxoplasma “probably induce[s] a decrease of novelty seeking.” [20]
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