I finally did it. I went to Ottawa. Basically, it’s like Edmonton, but with half the passion. There’s something about this town that just screams inefficiency and waste. I’ll take you through some of the highlights of my journey northward.
Immigrants.
I was glad to see lots of immigrants on The Hill. Based on anecdotal prejudices gleaned from letters to the editor in the local Edmonton Sun, you’d think immigrants don’t like Canada. Not true. Immigrants love Canada.
Classy Sober Dames
It’s easy to lure Canadian women. Just tote around an XL Timmy’s coffee (instead of a big truck like they do in Calgary), spray in your Molson Canadian breath freshener and yell “Go Sens Go” with the passion of an old folk’s home lawn bowling competition, and watch the Canadian women come out of the woodwork. No, actually, that’s my Lover, and she’s totally gonna slap me for this.
Pictures (click to enlarge)
Some people like to snap shots of people. I, however, like to take pictures of people taking pictures of people who are, in turn, taking pictures of people. I should win a Governor General’s Award for this one, because it describes a bunch of nuanced pseudo-intellectual bullshit regarding NAFTA and the resulting disconnect between the origins of our products and the end consumer.
Cats.
I had no idea about this. Our government subsidizes cats. I absolutely detest the species myself, and would prefer the government take care of mongeese or some other species that actually deserves to be saved.
Poutine.
The Elgin St. Diner has Philly Cheesesteak poutine, which is pretty much the perfect meal, as far as I’m concerned. This is clearly a product of NAFTA, and if I hear one of them snivelly reds from over at vivelecanada.ca whine about NAFTA, i’ll use this as the crux of my counterarguement. Several heart palpitations later, I was still in awe of how the Philly Love penetrates even the frozen Canadian North with it’s cheesy goodness.
That’s all for now. Life’s good.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Kailey 05.22.07 at 3:37 pm
Sweet. Totally sweet. I especially agree with your take on the cats of parliament hill.
islandgrovepress 05.23.07 at 5:24 pm
lGreat write-up.
Ivan
bE 06.12.07 at 7:17 pm
The cats are not subsidized by the government! If you had paid attention you would realize it costs more than $6000 to feed the cats and maintain their sanctuary. All the money comes from donations. The government does not fund the cats in any way.
BeatreiceBee 06.24.07 at 4:56 pm
If ‘the Government’ actually was to subsidize the colony, do you not think the houses would be carpeted, and they would be fed tuna daily? Well, they are not. While these cats are fortunate, their fortunes are their own. Glad to see you enjoyed your trip to Ottawa. Come back anytime, the cats will welcome you.