Yeah, so I have been creeping around downtown Calgary recently, and have returned back to Edmonton. If there’s one difference between the two towns, it’s that Calgary seems to be more keen on showing off wealth, be it through a person’s auto, sunglasses (often with big logos on the sides), or one’s home.
There is an economic theory that wealth is relative, and nowhere is it more evident than in Calgary. I mean, EVERYBODY drives a Land Rover or a Jaguar or some other import car, and it ends up not impressing people as much as I’m sure the owners would like to believe. Back in the 80’s, a BMW may have signalled that one has “arrived”, but when everyone has a nice car, you really have to step it up a notch to impress the crowd.
All these yuppie-esque Range Rovers are tainting Calgary’s image. It’s a city built on arse-raping Mother Nature, not on leisurely jaunts into wine country, damn it!
So, if you’re a young Calgary oil executive looking for something that just screams awesome, I have a few ideas for you.
1. The Casspir
This machine has a triple-mine protected hull, seats 14 men, plus gear, and can roll across the prairies at a top speed of about 85 km/h - that’s without a road, people! Just imagine taking this instead of the limo to your next hostile takeover of a junior oil and gas start-up. Awesome!
2. RG-12 Nyala
Looking for something a little less intrusive for your show pony wife to take the kids to hockey practice in? Look no further. The Nyala, built by BEA systems, is a 10-12 person carrier that can shuttle half a Hutterite colony to the mall on Saturdays. The Calgary Police service has two of these babies, at $360,000 a pop.
3. RG 31
Slightly more manoeuverable, and much more akin to a Range Rover than a turf-raping behemoth, the RG 31 will fit right in at the golf course or perhaps at the back country lodge. Imagine whisking away your corporate clients to the mountains, as you fjord over spawning trout beds and blaze new trails in Alberta’s pristine wilderness areas. It’s sporty, but its rather paltry 123 hp Daimler Benz diesel may leave you lagging behind the pack. Never mind though, it’s got plenty of torque!
4. Chenowth DPV
Or perhaps you would prefer something dashing and sporty to drive around on your estate (er, ranch) - you know, something fun for the kids to drive. Well, The DPV can travel at speeds up to 80 mph /130 km/h. With its standard 21 gallon / 79.5 litre fuel tank, the DPV has a range of about 210 miles / 338 km. An optional fuel bladder can extend the range to over 1,000 miles / 1610 km. Imagine your son’s face as he commits genocide against the local gopher population with the optional mounted machine gun package!
5. The Shadow RST-V
Perhaps you’re more of a Civic nation kind of guy, and you prefer your ride to glide as close to the pavement as possible. Well, I have a solution for you. The Shadow RST-V, manufactured by General Dynamics Land Systems (GDLS) and Lockheed Martin Missiles and Fire Control, goes from looking like an AMC Eagle to a slammed 80’s-era De Lorean in just a few seconds flat.
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islandgrovepress 07.26.07 at 3:26 pm
Back in Alberta for good?
I think I’d recommend anybody to visite the U. S. Northeast.
Kinda find out about Americans, and, probably, yourself.
My own visit to Pennsylvania was harrowing, for some reason.
I couldn’t find the interestate and at around Harrisburg, went arund the same mountain four times.
Had to be rescued by hillbillies who showed me the way.
They said, “Oh, you are one of them! The lost ones.
The woods are full of them.”
Ivan
Fritz 07.28.07 at 12:00 pm
Ha! I love it!
Here in California people have all out-jonesed the Joneses also so that hot sports cars are fairly ordinary.