I’ve taken up the challenge issued by Alberta Views - that of making an Alberta cabinet of non-politicians. My fictional cabinet’s mandate is to increase voter interest in politics and foster discussion and debate. Enjoy.
May - First Challenge
Create your ideal Albertan cabinet out of non-politicians. Feel free to include biographies, mandates, portfolios or justifications in your cabinet announcement.
Premier, President of Executive Council
YES! Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart. Wikipedia provides enough of a bio on this guy. I’ll let that speak for itself. If Minnesota can do it, so can we. If anyone can peel Albertans away from whatever it is they do on election nights (apart from actually voting) Bret can definitely get Alberta’s attention.
International and Intergovernmental Relations
Werner Patels, one of Alberta’s most prolific bloggers has an opinion on everything under the sun. The guy’s like the Don Cherry of the Alberta blogosphere - you either love him or hate him. He’s not afraid to go toe-to-toe, and I’m sure he’s got enough P & V to generate scandal and news, which will justify the existence of countless journalists across the province.
Treasury Board
Paul Boothe. Professor of Economics . . . Fellow, Institute for Public Economics at the University of Alberta . . . former Deputy Finance Minister with the Feds. Is he the only guy in Alberta who recognizes that oil revenues won’t last forever? We need a tightwad over in the Department of Finance. Paul Boothe is the guy.
Advanced Education and Technology, Aboriginal Relations
Gwyn Morgan’s got plenty of time on his hands since retiring from his post as a fatcat at Encana. This guy is a grade-A asshole with some strong opinions about fine arts degrees. I’d like to hear his rants on Aboriginal Education once in a while.
Education
A Qualified Tradeswoman. For those of you who think my cabinet’s just a big sausage party, I have news for you. I know one area where women can make a huge difference in this province - the trades. I’ve spent years in the trades, and qualified tradeswomen are a rarity, though their numbers are growing. They comprise 50% of the population, but only 3% of Alberta’s oil & gas construction employment, according to Women Building Futures. Did you know that the Building trades are pretty much the only place where the gender wage gap is nearly non-existent? In most unionized jobs (such as government), the pay bands are too wide to prevent women from earning less than men for the same job. In the trades, once you’re certified - that’s it - you get the going rate, regardless of one’s “tools”. Trades work is still largely regarded as “men’s” work - even by women. Women are brainwashed to believe that only an education will advance their income earnings, and many neglect the trades as an option. I want to see more women in the trades, but things like daycare availability, long hours and shiftwork keep many women out of it. We need a tradeswoman to address this huge issue in Alberta’s workforce.
Children and Youth Services
Casey, from Mr. Dressup. How old is Casey? Whatever happened to him? Wherever he/she/it is, I’d like to bring Casey back into the public’s consciousness. He’s old enough for the Generation X & Y types to relate to, and while being a little bit creepy, he just might have enough panache to relate to the youngsters. Just imagine Casey giving a press conference. That would be awesome. I mean - imagine the irony - an actual puppet in the government!
Sustainable Resource Development
Alberta’s giving kids the intergenerational shaft. Sustainable Development, as originally laid out by Madame Brundtland, is “development that meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs”. Nobody understands this better than Raffi. In 2003, I attended the CANSEE conference, where Raffi and my friend Mark gathered the kids present for a session on what they thought was important. You can read their recommendations on page 5 of THIS report (pdf). We should be polling kids to find out what they think of Alberta’s pace of development. Raffi’s Covenant for Honouring Children would form the basis for intergenerational equity in this province.
Finance and Enterprise
He used to command the U.S.S. Enterprise. That should qualify him to run anything with the word ‘Enterprise’ in it.
Environment
Image source: Gateway
Mike Hudema. He used to be the leader of the Student’s Union at the U of A. Now he’s an eco-commie for Greenpeace, notorious for some recent stunts. If anything, he’d keep the news interesting, raise awareness of the oil sands . . . and maybe save a few ducks along the way.
Transportation
Dr. Robin Lindsey, Professor of Transportation Economics, University of Alberta. Here’s something interesting about this guy - he walks the walk . . or bikes it wherever he can. He understands how China is able to move 1.3 billion people around efficiently, and puts that knowledge to use. Check out his bio at the U of A: LINK.
Health
Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod. Alberta doesn’t have health care problems. We don’t have a scarcity of doctors and nurses. We just have a province of people suffering from affluenza - “the bloated, sluggish and unfulfilled feeling that results from efforts to keep up with the Joneses”. We need a collective, province-wide Body Break, preferably during May Long Weekend.
Culture and Community Spirit
Cojo. From Wiki wites: “Steven “Cojo” Cojocaru (born January 5, 1962) is a fashion critic. He was born in Montreal, Quebec, Canada to a family of immigrants from Romania. Cojocaru started out as a magazine columnist and eventually began working on American television shows as a commentator and celebrity interviewer. He’d make a nice counterweight to Gwyn Morgan by proving that you can do some cool things with the most frivolous of subject matter in school. They might not see eye-to-eye on everything, but that’s to be expected.
Justice and Attorney General
Image source: cbc
Who knows how to mete out justice, Alberta style? Wiebo. That’s who. Eco-terrorist. Religious Zealout. Paranoid conspiracist. Gun owner. He’s what rural Alberta’s all about. He’d be a staunch defender of the Peace River region, future home of Alberta’s future nuclear reactor. Wiebo would balance out my next cabinet member.
Infrastructure
Like any practical problem solver, James Lovelock takes the pragmatic viewpoint, especially when it comes to climate change. He’s an “independent scientist, author, researcher, environmentalist, and futurist who lives in Cornwall, in the south west of Great Britain. He is known for proposing the Gaia hypothesis, in which he postulates that the Earth functions as a kind of superorganism”. The catch? He’s pro-nuclear. That should spark some debate in this province.
Housing and Urban Affairs
A Hobo. Yes. Hobos are people, too. And they don’t usually get to vote, due mostly in part to the inability to prove a fixed address. We’re not talking about the ’spare change guy’. These are the working transients who just can’t get a foot into the housing market. I’d like to see a hard working hobo in charge of our housing in the province.
Municipal Affairs
A Moustache Champ. For the position of Municipal Affairs, I would make a proper moustache a requirement. Hell, that’d be the only requirement. We’d have a province-wide Moustache Idol contest for the cabinet position. I’d bet that would garner a higher voter turnout than our last election did. Ray Danyluk already does a good job of municipal moustaching, but he can be topped.
Seniors and Community Supports
A Pomeranian. One of the most far-reaching issues in the lives of seniors is loneliness and the resulting depression, according to UVic’s Centre on Aging. A good companion dog would help seniors a lot more than you’d expect. I pick Poms because they’re essentially useless apart from snuggling - they were bred to be your friend. A Pomeranian would be better equipped than anyone when it comes to making Alberta’s seniors happy.
Tourism, Parks and Recreation
Rick Kunelius, Alberta’s only Park Ranger-turned Marriage Commisioner. He’ll marry you in a plane. He’ll marry you in a boat. He’ll marry you in a train. He’ll marry you in a moat. Rick adds some mustachioed flair to my cabinet, that’s for sure. In addition to straddling horses atop mountain peaks, Rick straddles the world where parks, tourism and recreation collide. This man is the perfect person for the job. You can read more about him HERE.
Solicitor General and Public Security
I passed over Chuck Norris for this guy. He’s Cpl. Rob Furlong, and you can read about him in MacLean’s. He holds the world record sniper kill, at 2,430 metres. He’s a sniper. You can trust him.
Well, that about does it - that’s my dream cabinet for this province. I hope it made you think, laugh and smile.
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